4 Things I Realized While Watching 'Girlfriends' in My 30s

Girlfriends, one of my favorite sitcoms, debuted in the fall of 2000 and had eight seasons. I was starting my freshman year of college when the story of Joan, Toni, Lynn and Maya began. I would catch episodes now and then, but didn’t fully get into the show as a must-watch-every-week fan until about 2005. By that time, I was in my early-twenties and looked at many of the situations, relationships and the friendships between the ladies, through that lens.

On September 11th of this year, the creator, cast and fans celebrated the 20th anniversary of the beloved series and its Netflix debut. Let me tell you how overjoyed I was to know I could binge on Girlfriends as much as I wanted, and I did just that during that first weekend it hit Netflix.

I’ve been watching the show over the past few months and found myself more interested in many of the storylines and experiences of the characters because I had now experienced a lot of those things myself. Here are four things I realized while watching Girlfriends in my 30s.

1. I Admire Lynn’s Courage to Try Lots of Different Things

Lynn, the free-spirted, five degree having, all over the place with what she wanted to do with her life girlfriend was on to something. In my twenties, it was easy for me to dismiss her as the mooching, can’t keep a job friend; but the truth is, she had courage. Yes, she needed help from her friends for a while because she knew a traditional 9 to 5 wasn’t for her, but I think her courage to try lots of things until she figured out what fulfilled her soul, is admirable. She finally found her calling in creating a documentary and being a singer.

2. Some Friendships Should End and We Need to Grieve Them

In the episode “Everybody Hates Monica” (S7:E5), Maya and Lynn have to confess to Joan that they met up with Joan’s best friend Toni, who (without explanation or contact since) left California and her friendship with Joan. Joan and Toni had been through lots of ups and downs throughout the series, but the two college friends always made up and came back together.

Now, Joan is excluded and Toni’s actions (or lack thereof) make it clear she doesn’t want the friendship. Joan tries to connect with Monica, William’s girlfriend (whom all the girlfriends dislike) and through conversations with Maya and Lynn, Joan finally acknowledges that she is hurt, trying to replace Toni with Monica and that she has to grieve the loss of a friendship that meant so much to her. This hit different for me because I’ve been there in my 30s and like Joan, didn’t realize how much the loss of the friendship hurt me and that I needed to grieve it. And, like Joan it gave me some closure and forced me to confront and work through all the feelings that came up. I also realized that some friendships need to end, when one or both parties no longer have each other’s best interest at heart.

3. God Works All Things (Even the Rough Stuff) together for Our Good

As I binged on each season of Girlfriends, it was evident that all things worked together for the good for each woman. I say that because when I look back over my life, the past 20 years, I see the same. Each character had her own personal trials and setbacks, but at the end of the series they all had accomplished and experienced so many great things that were possible due to all the experiences in their respective journeys.

Maya became an authoress (as she liked to call herself) and repaired her relationship with her ex-husband (they remarried) after they divorced due to her deceitfulness (not quite an entanglement, with another man). Lynn found her calling to sing and created a great documentary. Joan took a leap of faith and stepped outside of her corporate comfort zone as a lawyer to start a business. She also finally got the love she’d wanted all along in the last two seasons of the show. Toni lost her business as a real-estate agent and hit a very low place, but made it through that to start her own real estate brokerage. Although her marriage wasn’t built on a solid foundation and ended in divorce, she got a beautiful baby girl who helped her reflect on, and change many of her selfish ways.

4. It’s Okay to Argue with Your Friends…You Actually Should

The girlfriends have many moments throughout the series where they get into arguments. Some are heated and intense and some are subtle; but all were necessary. I’m a pretty reserved person who avoids conflict (not so much anymore, I tend to face it now), but I’ve learned that communicating in this manner is not always a bad thing. Nor does it mean you can’t repair the relationship. Arguing means you’re communicating. I prefer if it’s not intense and I definitely watch what I say (no deliberate hurtful or embarrassing things should be part of the conversation) and how I say it. But a friendly debate or argument can make a friendship stronger. Most of the time an argument is not intentional, but if you find yourself in one with a friend, make sure you are respectful and intentional about what you think they need to know or do.