The Miseducation of Malcolm & Marie

The toxic relationship of Malcolm and Marie

They are exhausting af, but they need to be together. Hear me out. If you’ve seen the film, words like toxic, dysfunctional and draining come to mind when you observe this conversation between a couple who love each other but haven’t realized that love is never enough in romantic relationships. Especially when it’s at the expense of your spiritual and mental health.

I say they need to be together for one reason: maybe, just maybe the toxicity in their relationship will become so unbearable that they will have no other choice but to leave each other and focus on dealing with their own respective shit. A girl can dream, right? I say that in the most non-judgmental way possible, having lived my own version of a Malcolm & Marie “love” story.

In case you didn’t know, I love having a front row seat into the dynamics of romantic relationships. The way people relate when in love, like, or indifference intrigues me, so Malcolm & Marie was a perfect film with a voyeuristic vibe that was exhausting, but interesting.

I had to watch this film in doses, which speaks to the authenticity I believe the actors were able to bring to it.

It’s a night of celebration for Malcolm Elliott, who returns from the premier of his first film to a beautiful Malibu home (provided by the production company) with Marie, his girlfriend of five years. He blasts some soul music and dances around the house for a while, ignoring Marie’s less than celebratory, more like obligatory, energy.

Hoping that whatever is bothering her will be superseded by the festive vibes he’s creating due to his success. As the film unfolds, we find out why: Marie believes the film is based on her experience as a drug addict and he didn’t thank her for the inspiration for the film.

Clothed in black and white, the film takes you through their, mostly arguing (sometimes loving) late-night interactions as a co-dependent, toxic, dysfunctional couple. I capture what I deem the miseducation of Malcolm and Marie, using some of the words from the film they use when in the boxing ring they call their relationship.

The miseducation of Malcolm and Marie

“He’s sweet when he’s not being an emotional fucking terrorist.” -Marie

Marie means this wholeheartedly. She and Malcolm have been together for five years, since she was a twenty-year old, strung out on drugs. He helped her. He loved her. He took her to rehab.

He saved her. I get savior complex vibes from Malcolm throughout the film. Which is one of the reasons I believe he doesn’t thank her. In his mind, Marie owes him her story (with no credit) because he saved her. Because he loved her at her worst.

I believe they love each other, but they’ve normalized toxicity as part of that bond and it has eroded the relationship so much so, that when there is a conflict, they both have a goal to win the fight instead of solve the problem.

“You may have gotten clean Marie, but you haven’t figured this part out yet. Why you love being hurt, traumatized and fucking eviscerated.” -Malcolm

Malcolm says this right before he hurts, traumatizes and eviscerates Marie with his words (hello emotional terrorist) to prove she does not deserve acknowledgement for her contributions to his film.

Marie sits in the tub silently crying when he says this. She’s likely also thinking of her comeback because that’s exactly what she does once she gets dressed.

I think part of her wants to hurt him (and win the fight) and another part of her has reached its limit with the relationship. She’s tired of his selfishness and entitlement. I see a young woman who has finally realized that their love isn’t enough.

There is obviously an age difference and I also think she’s growing as a woman, she’s clean and she needs Malcolm in a different way, but he isn’t willing to grow with her because being a savior is an ego-boost and its what he knows.

She wants more and deserves more. Malcolm does too, but it takes an almost two-hour no holds barred argument for him to “get it.”

She doesn’t want to be hurt. She wants to be acknowledged. She wants to be an equal partner in this relationship and she wants credit for her contributions to his art.

“You’re so good at fighting. You fought to make the movie, to make it the way you wanted to make it. So why didn’t you fight for me?” -Marie

She’s been telling Malcolm exactly what she needs all night and he just won’t budge.

She wanted him to fight for her. I get it. But I think she also needs to fight for herself and not through this negative feedback loop they constantly find themselves in.

They’ve been through a lot together, but Marie owes it to herself to find her way as an actress, and she may have to do that without Malcolm.

I don’t think Malcolm knows how to fight for her the way she needs him to because he hasn’t dealt with his own demons.

They can both be great while in this relationship. He is not above reproach. In fact, he can use the feedback to improve, but insecurity is a mf.

“I’m sorry. Thank you.” -Malcom

Finally, while in bed, right before Marie turns off the light, he says what she’s been fighting for all night.

Why did it have to take an emotionally draining argument for him to acknowledge her? Because he didn’t see her value before she fought for him to see it.

The film ends a few minutes after this, with Malcolm and Marie standing outside of the house in front of the ocean.

We don’t know what will happen. I can only hope they take the miseducation they’ve given each other in this relationship and use it to become better individually.

They have put the worst of what they think of each other on the table. It’s a gift. The delivery was toxic, but there it is, ready for each person to deal with and work through.

Will they take the risk? Will they take it while together?

I don’t know, but I do believe in the power of solitude for healing. Being un-partnered is not suffocating, it can be liberating, especially when you are committed to using what you’ve learned in a relationship (especially a toxic one) to help you grow.

They toxic af y’all. The lessons have been learned together, now it’s time for healing and growth on their own.